


Stay the Way We Are

by MatthewKo



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Family mentioned - Freeform, Human AU, M/M, Platonic Relationship, established DenNor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 21:14:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14756427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MatthewKo/pseuds/MatthewKo
Summary: Emil has taken a break from school for a few months. He was struggling to search out his courage and motivation to come back to his beloved, but he failed to do it again and again. He didn’t sure if he was escaping, he was afraid, or he just needed someone to talk with. One day, he met Eduard. For no reason, Emil felt that Eduard was also chasing or escaping from something important to himself. He finds Eduard is the same as him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Characters:  
> APH Iceland – Emil Bondevik  
> APH Estonia – Eduard von Bock  
> APH Norway – Lukas Bondevik  
> APH Denmark – Mathias Køhler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters: 1/9
> 
> A/N: The story background is set in half real and half imaginary.  
> This chapter is mainly written in Emil’s POV.  
> I’m not a native English speaker, if there are any mistakes please correct me in respectful, thanks!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own anything mentioned in the story but the story itself!

 

“Emil, if you have any question about the minutes, leave it blank. I’ll deal with it.”

“Ok, I’ll finish it before dinner.”

The meeting room is dim and empty. Everyone once here has gone home, leaving a young man curling up on his office chair. He just buries his face into his laptop, answering another man with a flat tone. He looks like a lonely and stubborn field animal, refusing any kindness or help. He doesn’t even give a sight to the man beside the door.

Lukas, the one who is leaning on the doorframe, staring at the one sitting back on to him, heaves a sigh but still softening his voice, “You could  _slow down_ , Emil. You know what I mean.”

Emil pauses for a second, turning to look at his elder brother, “…yeah, I know.” After a while he finally mumbles as a reply.

Lukas is about to walk to Emil and cheer him up, like squeezing his shoulders or caress his hair. However, a light piano melody flowing from his pocket interrupts the worry about his sibling. Lukas has no choice but to ask Emil to take care of himself before answering the call, soon he also leaves the room, as those ones leaving earlier, leaving Emil in the silent and wide space again.

Emil turns back to his screen. Those papers and notes cover up his keyboard. He suddenly feels so tired to sort the stuff he’s typing in.

The frustration out of nowhere always makes him struggle to speed up and get rid of it. Although he knows what his brother hopes him to slow down for, he always knows Lukas is only hoping him to be kind to himself, he just can’t stop thinking about it.

Emil finishes the meeting record as he wishes, thanks for his perfectionism. He takes a glance at the clock, wondering that it’s time for daily work… where will the little guy hang out today?

The meeting Lukas and Emil take part in is held by an astronomical society in Northern Europe. The institute hosts a new project this year, inviting its academic partners international to participate in, including the research group Lukas joining. Lukas has been chosen to represent his lab with colleagues, so he tried to persuade Emil to live in Copenhagen with him for a few whiles. Although being never major in astronomy, Emil agreed with the trip which looked like no time limited.

* 

“Give yourself more space and time. It doesn’t matter you are still hesitating, see?” It was Lukas said one night last year. He pushed an internship application under Emil’s nose, smiled but accepted no denying from his little brother, “Besides, I’m not used to living without someone who loves me so much.”

“You’ve already had a Mathias.”

Emil answered, but he soon kept his mouth shut because he found the concern hidden in Lukas’ warm gaze. He stopped rejecting anymore, just pulled the blank form and fulfilled it.

After the night he wrote a suspension letter to school, once he was given the approval, he quickly packaged, took a cross-country flight the following week and landed on a port city which was totally different from his hometown. Time passed all too soon, he has lived here for several months.

 _Why do you jerk always regret and run away from your former decision?_  Since the day he left home and studied in university, Emil often questioned himself like that. He was never a talkative or outgoing person, with staying in a whole new environment, his pessimistic thought even worsened, feeling afraid of being a failure, being looked down, and being laughed at only because of the so-called “daydream.” Emil didn’t dare to make sure that there was anyone hostile to him. He couldn’t just endure the fear hidden in his fake smile towards strangers anymore.

It was a vicious circle. The more he felt the inferiority sticking onto his back, the more he desired to tear it off, but the stress nevertheless weighted again and again until all of his efforts became useless. Emil had considered telling Lukas that he wanted to take a break several times. He believed in his brother that he would be more than willing to support him, also did the Dane who usually popped up in their apartment. Emil had two reliable seniors and best friends, however, he still had difficulty in telling the truth. The eagerness Lukas and Mathias held to reach their destination was too shining and impressive. It might be their sense of sympathy that waiting for Emil and listen to him to say something childish like “I am tired.” Emil hated the mean way himself suspected them at all. He shouldn’t do that. He shouldn’t doubt his family’s love for him though, he couldn’t help but blame all problems on his surroundings and himself, and then being dragged into another spiral of self-loathing.

It might be notable enough for him to come through the first year.

*

“No one will blame you for your decision.”

It was the first time Emil celebrated his birthday without all family members. After doing the dishes, Lukas asked his boyfriend hold on for a few minutes (though he worried about Emil as much as Lukas did). He walked back to the living room with only a warm white bulb lightened, slowly sat into couch, one of his shoulders touched Emil’s, “you don’t feel well about your freshman year in college, is it?” He patted his brother’s back, whispering softly.

They never talked about it face to face, still Lukas did notice something was wrong.

Emil nearly admitted his bad status, nearly stormed into bedroom and held his blanket tightly in tears like when his childhood. His rationality eventually pulled him back. He recalled his immaturity also his persistence of staying calm.

“…Could I give it another try?” Emil replied that night, but he still handed in his application form for suspension at the end of the year.

Emil wasn’t certain that it was sufficient sunshine from the south comforted him. During the days in Copenhagen, he seldom felt depressed, in contrast, he felt actually a bit of release. He just ended a “normal” college life and started an assistant part-time without more other things on to-do list. He was allowed to audit some courses and he secretly felt so lucky to get them. He usually rode a bike to school in afternoon, sometimes even in early morning, and stayed at school until Lukas called him to have dinner. He knew he didn’t want to give up his studies at all, but he couldn’t even believe in that, that he could have a chance to throw himself into his beloved academic field again, after being just freed from the world once wove him dreams and regrets, the world fantastic but also difficult like living in a decorated capped jar. He was still trying to find his feet, but he felt this time he had done well enough.

He even thought he could finally back and face the  _past_.

*

…Well, just forget it. Now what he has to concentrate on is his work. Emil blows a sigh, catches the pet food bag more tightly and keeps walking on the sidewalk. The meeting today is not held on campus, but the duties Emil has to carry out are the same. He has sat in a conference hall and taken meeting minutes all day long and finally he has time to go outside and take a breath. Though the sun hangs high in the sky, it’s already the museum’s closing time. He wants to get off work as early as possible. He misses his lovely bed sheets so bad.

Where on earth does the little rascal hide away? He remembers what the museum staff told him, the little boy would be nearby with the timing….

“Meow—!”

“Oh gosh,” Emil stops himself, looking around carefully, after a few minutes he grabs his backpack roughly, “you little shit I finally got you…!” He rushes onto a higher grass which is set some picnic tables on it.

He doesn’t expect there is someone else.

Emil slows down his steps, but he immediately races up after he found what was the guy doing, “Hey! What do you think you’re giving him?” His voice sounds too nervous and frightening, also the noise his sneakers stamping on the grass. The person who’s kneeling beside a currant bush turns back to Emil, standing up and politely offering his seat. Emil says nothing but only gets close in a hurry to check if the cat eats anything.

He quickly draws out his notebook and tears one piece of it, making a paper box to fill the cat food. When the kitten’s digging into dinner, Emil peeks at what food the stranger takes.

A slice of nut toast––

“I didn’t feed it nuts.” The guy throws up hands right away.

“I don’t care,” Emil blurts out, “Just let him get away from your breakfast.” He tries to refocus on the cat and ruffle his head. However, the cat looks like he can feel Emil’s bad mood. He raises his tail and drives Emil’s wrist away.

The person kneels down again, sitting beside the rejected Emil, caressing the cat’s back gently, “but he likes people, doesn’t he?”

“I dunno. It’s said he was born here.”

“Oh, a planetarium kitten? Sounds cute.”

“I guess so.”

Emil buries his lower face into his arms, tilting his head and observing this stranger.

Honestly, he’s good-looking, at least not bad at all, probably because of his smile when they meet each other at first sight. The person is friendly and easy-going, like the cat they are feeding together.

He looks like as same age as Emil, but Emil guesses he might be a little taller than him. His dirty blonde hair is short and neat, the tidy bangs covering his forehead, under the bangs he wears a pair of metal frame glasses. His turquoise eyes hidden behind the glasses make him look like sharp and witty, differ from the stereotype about glasses, such as quiet and reserved and boring…––Emil suddenly feels annoyed due to the descriptions coming to his mind.

He takes the box off gently after the kitten finished the dinner, standing up and throwing the wrinkled paper into a trash can. He turns to the person, “We’ll be closing.”

“Are you here for work?” The young man stands up, too, “No wonder you have to feed your kitty.” His voice is modulated and soothing though, Emil feels it sounds like poking fun at his irritation out of the blue, he squints at the man.

“It’s not your business,” damn it, the guy is actually taller than him, “are you here on vacation?”

“Well, not really, I live here for months already so I think I’m not a tourist.” The man shrugs, smiling at Emil, “By the way, I’ll come to the planetarium more often the following weeks, if you want to know.”

“No, I don’t,” Emil turns his back on to him, intending to leave here right now. He knows the guy will follow him up because he also has to back home. However, Emil gradually slows down his walk with hesitation, eventually stops on the sidewalk. He looks back and finds the man also stops after they caught each other’s sight. The distance between them is the same as it between acquaintances and… friends.

Emil frowns at his thought, “as you mentioned it, you should know how to go home, do you?” He asks. Why the hell are the glasses such bothersome, he can’t even see the guy’s face clearly.

“Yeah, I do. Thanks for your concern.”

The person looks like a little surprised at Emil’s question, but soon he gets his smile back and waves goodbye friendly. Emil has no idea how to answer him at once. He just nods at him before leaving the planetarium.

It must be the slope that makes him can’t help but speed up.

Emil walks his bike from the parking lot, then riding it back home rapidly. He doesn’t find his face is getting red, just persuading himself like that along the way.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N2: Sorry I haven’t written Eduard’s name directly until the last part(ˊ；ω；ˋ).  
> Besides, I’ve never been in Europe but I’m sure that there is no planetarium with hills or slopes or whatever in Copenhagen. That’s all because the story plot needs it so I just write it_(:3_ㄥ)_
> 
> Hope y’all enjoy it and feel free to leave a kudo or review ;)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters: 2/9
> 
> A/N: The chapter is shorter (and also more angst) than I thought…, I feel guilty now ;w;  
> If you think Emil is so mean, I’m sorry, he has his own reasons ;w; I’d post Chapter 3 ASAP.  
> Feel free to leave a comment or review :D Also if there are any mistakes please correct me in respectful, thanks!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own anything mentioned in the story but the story itself.

 

Is it a trap or just a coincidence? Emil can’t stop suspecting it. He’s certain that he didn’t do anything offensive to other ones these days…, more or less.

What on earth is happening now? Why the situation looks like an elementary school teacher is introducing a transfer student to his lovely classmates?

Emil is never a person who likes to write all his feelings on his face, but, today, he is startled thoroughly. He stares at Mathias, mouth opening a little wider.

“Alright––! Now everyone knows our project is a long-term project, right? Also, we’re running an internship program so over the following months we’ll have some cute interns joining in and helping us, and then we’d show them how to run a research project organized so many teams! And finally! Today!” Mathias grabs his microphone more tightly, with the other hand showing the corner of their meeting room, “Let’s welcome our first newbie here!”

If Emil wasn’t sure he had lived in Mathias’ house for at least 3 months, he would assume that this host is pointing his nose.

“Never mind. He loves to be an icebreaker like that, though usually it’s not useful at all,” Lukas lays back in his chair, turning to them both and telling in his smooth and relaxed tone.

Yes,  _both_ –– Emil turns to see  _the other_  one sitting next to him, in a very awkward way. In the past weeks, there was only himself sitting in the corner, however, a newcomer is asked to sit on the same side today, making Emil become extremely nervous, almost twenty times more alarmed than ever. The person has arrived here since the beginning, participating in the whole activity like Emil has done. At the end of the meeting, he follows Mathias’ advice, standing up and greeting all members in the meeting room.

Eduard von Bock, the confident guy’s name, studies at the same school as Mathias. The only difference is that he’s an undergraduate while Mathias has got his master’s degree.

Emil thought he could still pretend to ignore people though he has felt tense enough, until the time Eduard sat down beside him. His first words almost make Emil freeze at his desk, “Excuse me, are you the cat sitter in planetarium that day?”

“Hey! Do you know each other?” Oh gosh, Mathias, shut up, please. Lukas, please stop him, “Then Emil could be Eduard’s mentor… oh it sounds great! Eduard? Hello? Mr. Bondevik, the one sitting beside you, will show you what an intern has to do. That’s his work content now. You could have a short chat first. If you’re familiar with each other, it’ll lighten the workload also let you learn your partner’s skills. And now! The meeting is finished! Thank you all for attending and it’s time to go home!”

Emil wants simply to wring Mathias’ neck now. If it was allowed, he’d also ask  _the other_  Mr. Bondevik to do this.

All the members leave the meeting room immediately. After Lukas asked them “Remember to turn off the lights and lock the doors,” there are only two men staying in the wide space.

Emil knows Eduard is looking at him. It’s not an uncomfortable gaze though, he just feels weird.

The young man looks like he’d not leave here right now. He’s back to his desk already.

_Oh, gosh._

“Um… Emil?”

“Bondevik.”

Eduard stretches out his hand, “My name is Eduard von Bock. You can call me Eduard.”

“I see.” The room sinks in silence again. Emil takes a deep breath, has no choice but to shake hands with him.

“I don’t even know you participate in the project, too. Honestly, I thought you took a part-time job in the museum,” as expected, after they exchanged greetings, it’s Eduard who starts a conversation, “I met with some seniors a few days ago and they told me I could call them by their first names, so I’m wondering if you accept that I call you as the same way. After all, there is another Mr. Bondevik. I hope I could avoid mixing you up.

“Well, then it’s up to you.”

“Great. Nice to meet you, Emil.”

Emil murmurs a few words, standing up and packing his bag.

The anxiety appears silently. It can always upset him, reminds him the life one year ago, the days he struggled to fit in and eventually failed to do it.

If the guy manages to stay here, he’ll be very willing to get going first.

However, Eduard also begins packing up his belongings. It looks like he’s planning to leave here with Emil, still trying to talk with him, “You looked proficient in taking care of the cat so… sorry for misunderstanding you. Are you from around here? Or are you here for studying? What’s your school name? By the way, what’s your major? Because you also take a part in the project, I guess you’re major in…”

“Has anyone told you your smile is annoying?”

Emil heavily closes his laptop, wrapping all his stuff in the bag. He bites his lower lip slightly, finally turns to Eduard and chokes out other words, “Leave me alone, please.”

He walks out of the room, dare not stop for even if one more second.

There’s no way to turn back.

He has already blocked all of it.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters: 3/9
> 
> A/N: Finally they’re getting closer ;w; Hope it looks okay bc I was a little tired when worked on it… I may fix some mistakes once I have time ;)
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own anything mentioned in the story but the story itself!

 

The worst situation Emil expected, an argument, though, never comes to between him and Eduard.

Two weeks later, Lukas finds by chance that they haven’t exchanged numbers. He suggests them better to do it now. They have no other choice but to take out their cellphones together. Emil feels nervous when he’s editing contacts: why has his brother not mentioned his bad attitude to his _partner_  yet? He thinks, raises his head and catches sight of Eduard, who greets him back with a casual smile as usual. Emil suddenly feels a little embarrassed, “Break time is over. Let’s work.” He quickly states, puts the phone back into his pocket.

When they’re in the archive room, Emil is kind of absent, thinking of all details in the past few days, those conversations he has with Eduard.

Does Eduard just keep  _the day_  to himself?

*

After the day Emil messed up their first greeting, he was asked to guide Eduard through their offices, classrooms and so on, and help him get familiar with the procedure in their department. The two boys sat close in front of a computer. Emil didn’t even bother to make small talk, just cut to the chase and explained how the processing system worked here. He glimpsed Eduard on occasion merely, to make sure the newcomer paid attention to his course. He has thought he would meet the guy’s bored look, however, Eduard concentrated on what he said entirely, which made Emil feel a little surprised. Eduard looked a little more serious then yesterday, took notes fast when he looked up at screen. Those things he wrote down though, totally confused Emil––at least he had confidence in counting 1-10 in Danish. He had no idea what language Eduard used.

Is he also not from Denmark?

Emil’s voice became a little unstable. He couldn’t help being distracted by Eduard’s self-introduction given yesterday. He tried hard to recall the context however, he found it angrily that at the time, he didn’t get anything except for his curse thoughts in his mind.

“So my job is to manage these,” Eduard turned to him suddenly, “anything else?”

“Uh? No, that’s all.”

“Ok, I’ll handle it.” Eduard nodded and closed his notebook. It looked like he had no other things to discuss or chat. Emil just noticed that Eduard did never touch his body, kept avoiding this, though the space they sitting in was narrow enough.

They met at the same classroom two days later, for checking each other’s work they were assigned to. Before the end, Eduard mentioned that he had thoughts on their lab’s data management. He offered some suggestions such as which part could be excluded while another part could better be revised, so that would be helpful for Emil’s work efficiency. He moved his pen upon their computer screen, talked in detail and clearly, sometimes even pulled the keyboard towards him and quickly typed in something. Emil took a glance at their desk. Eduard’s notebook was just opened and laid down there.

“Any question?” The pen cap stopped at a question mark.

“No, go on,” Emil replied, “…please.”

“If you think that’s not our business, you could tell me anytime, directly. I’d never mind.” Eduard winked at him, “so, take it easy,” he turned back to the screen, continuing with their works.

Emil finally realized what did he see in Eduard’s eyes.

That was the confidence born from his enthusiasm and familiarity with what he loved.

That was the thing Emil has searched for a long time.

*

All in all, Emil still considers it’s hard to figure out what is Eduard’s thinking, although the uncertainty he has may simply comes from his fear only. Emil could tell the truth that he has difficulty to get along with the type of person. Eduard looks too… clever, especially when he’s smiling. In the beginning, Emil could only feel threatened. He thought Eduard just pretended to be friendly, every time when Emil caught him not focusing on work, he would smirk and his expression would become very unreadable. Emil could almost associate the face with a cunning fox.

“…’Mil? Emil?”

A real fox is definitely cuter than him, especially a snow fox.

“Mr. Bondevik?”

“Here!”

Emil suddenly turns back. Eduard is standing behind him, mouth half opening, looks like a little frightened, too, “well…, just a simple question,” he holds a pile of folders in his arms, frowning at it. The folders are almost broken, “keep it or discard?”

“…Let me see,” Emil takes one of them, trying to cover up his fast heartbeat. He remembers that he’d never screamed like that in front of Eduard…. Emil wonders, soon he knits his eyebrows tightly, staring at the documents in his hands, “geez, it’s totally a mess.”

“There are tons of kinda stuff,” Eduard shrugs, taking a step back to show Emil the disaster on the tables, “we have to arrange all of them this week…is it? But it seems like they’re not important at all….”

Emil scratches his back of neck with impatient look, “Do you mean we’ve finished the main part?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, then get down to it, try our best,” he puts his hands down, walking towards Eduard and taking all files from his arms. Emil then smacks on the light switch, turning on the lights of the whole room. He turns back and finds Eduard standing at the same place with a little stunned look, which confuses Emil, but he decides to ignore it, “…hurry up,” he urges.

“Yes,” Eduard answers, a familiar grinning comes back to his mouth.

How things going, though, are easier than expected, Emil wonders. He could even think about what for dinner tonight or something else when he’s arranging the documents. In contrast, Eduard gets into his work completely. He clears a box of them after a while, then he’s stopped by the last few folders.

Emil takes a glimpse at him, just fixing with his eyes looks hesitant, “Excuse me, do you speak Danish?” Eduard asks.

“ _Ja_ , but only a little,” Emil puts aside the stuff he has dealt and moves himself towards. They’ve sit on the floor for about an hour, it’s easier and faster for work than sitting in a chair, fortunately the floor is clean enough. He sits closer to Eduard, “what happened?”

“Nothing, your answer sounds like we should give up,” Eduard pushes out the box after he got Emil’s answer, soon he notices his partner’s displeased gaze and a stretched arm. He has no choice but to hand in some files, “well, I guess they are collected papers many years ago. I can’t understand what they’re written about.”

“…You’re right, we should give up,” and also himself. He shouldn’t be tough. Emil presses his lips. He stands up and tries to clean his pants, asking Eduard to place the documents back to the shelves together. “I’d ask Mathias later, but I’m not sure whether he knows how to deal with them.”

“Why?”

“He got his bachelor’s degree at another school, so he might not be familiar with the operation here.”

“Oh, I thought he got the degree here…,” Eduard walks to the bookshelves, helping Emil put a heavy book to a higher place, “by the way, do you know them well? I mean, Mr. Køhler and another Mr. Bondevik, are they your family? You look exactly like Mr. Bondevik. Sometimes your behavior is even….”

“Do you want to pry again?” Emil glares back to him. Eduard stops immediately, plus throwing hands up again.

“Random question. You could refuse to answer.”

“…Sorry, I didn’t mean that. I just…,” Emil rubs his hair, walking back to take another pile of papers, “well, yeah, Lukas is my brother. As for Mathias, you should ask them in person.”

“Got it. I guess I can figure out, but I won’t ask then.”

Emil can’t help but look back to Eduard again. Eduard says nothing though, only gives back a grinning to him politely, like he always did.

A conversation comes to Emil’s mind, happened in the day Eduard taught him all the stuffs about computer.

“Eduard, I have something to tell you,” Emil hears himself saying, “I’m sorry… for the other day.”

“What? I mean… when?”

“The first time you attended the meeting.”

“Oh, but I think that was me who had to apologize.” Eduard takes away some folders from Emil’s holding, over half of them, exactly lightens Emil’s load, “I tried to talk to you because we had to work together for several months. I’d like to know my partner better but I didn’t notice my questions offended you so much.” He opens another shelf door, “So, never mind, nonetheless, that was me who had to apologize.”

“But I was rude to you,” Emil lowers his head. He nearly forgets what kind of questions Eduard asked him that day, only remembers the frozen atmosphere between them after he expressed his anger. “I could tell you I’m taking a semester off, but that was not the reason I refused to answer your question.”

“You just tend to protect yourself, is it?”

 _Click._  A slim sound from magnetic door catch. Eduard closes the shelf door, leaning against on it. Emil feels like he can even hear the sound of pulling glasses. “If you don’t mind it, I could tell  _a little_  about me to help you let down your guard.” He chuckles.

“You’ve already done it in the meeting.”

“I bet you never focused on what I said.”

“…Fine, you bet.”

Emil looks at the waste paper in his hands, feeling struggled to slam it onto his partner until the slight laughter is finally muted. Eduard waves his left hand, telling that he would stop it right now. He takes off his glasses and wipes his eyes, “I’m from Estonia and I come here as an exchange student.”

“Exchange?” it sounds like he has to back home this year. Emil can’t help but raise an eyebrow, “Until when?”

“This July.”

As expected, “Isn’t it too late to participate in the project?”

“That’s enough for an internship. It’s precious to me to study abroad. I’d like to grab every chance to do something valuable,” Eduard puts his glasses back on faced, stretching himself lazily. He takes the rest of the folders in his arms, slowly walks to the racks, “but these days I’ve changed my mind.”

Emil finds that Eduard’s smile has disappeared.

“ I’ll do  _whatever_  to stay here.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N2: Finally updated to the chapter! Then I’d take a break for about 2 or 3 weeks, to deal with sth important in life, it's freaking hard ;(  
> Btw I’m not sure whether it’s essential but below are characters’ ages in my college/human AU, just in case.  
> Emil Bondevik / Eduard von Bock (20);  
> Lukas Bondevik / Mathias Køhler / Berwald Oxenstierna (26);  
> Tino Väinämöinen (25).
> 
> Feel free to leave a comment :D I’d like to know your thoughts about Emil and Eduard!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters: 4/9  
> A/N: I change the way dividing chapters ( *´◒`*) and sorry for the too late update _(;3_ㄥ)_  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own anything mentioned in the story but the story itself!

They spent another few days dealing with those old folders. The hardest part has been solved already, Emil felt there were still some riddles being left. An unspoken “Why?” was still kept in his mind and he never considered speaking out.

Why did Eduard long to stay in Denmark? Or, in other words, why did he… refuse to turn back?

Emil had a vague feeling that Eduard was also a self-protective person. He found Eduard was used to building walls around himself, and he’d concentrated all his efforts on maintaining the boundaries for a long time. Emil wondered the time was even longer and the process was even tougher than he’d experienced. He never knew whom Eduard kept a distance from, also why he had to do this, but still there’s one thing for sure he could tell. If Eduard was not a sharp and meticulous person, he’d never have to defend himself so carefully, also he’d never catch Emil’s real thoughts from his intense tone. People once tried to talk to Emil were usually driven away after getting his sarcastic responses. In the beginning, Eduard took a step back, too. However, Emil just found at no time did the act represent chicken out. All Eduard’s done was to keep walking at his own pace, gradually and without bothering, he reached the place he could walk alongside Emil.

From then on, Emil could finally relieve the stress previously.

He tried to take the initiative to talk about their works with Eduard, feeling no more embarrassed like before when he asked for help. Like Mathias said, the act actually helped Emil to learn a lot, but on the other hand, it also made him recognize there’s always a genius on the Earth which could attract people’s envy so easily. Emil shouldn’t be too surprised at Eduard’s talent for information technology (or something like that) when the first time he got his advice on work, but he was still deeply shocked at the day—it was a weekday, they worked as usual and suddenly their computers got crashes. Emil was about to break down then, he noticed that someone still kept calm and even show him a smile. Eduard just opened his text editor, checking and rewriting the source code carefully despite his high speed. Finally the program was completely fixed, all their research data was retained and no hurt. Emil stared at the screen, then turned to look at Eduard, mouth opening a little. His colleague raised an eyebrow, showing another smile to him as “I’ve told you.”

“Did you ever talk about what’s your major?”

“Physics.”

“Why don’t you study computer science?”

“Maybe it’s because I’m not quite good at it?”

Emil grabbed the notebook tightly, which filled with Estonian and programming languages, forcing himself to not throw it onto the guy.

Although Emil knew fairly well that most of the “argument” was brought from him, he felt like it was a load off his mind when they could get on peacefully. Emil’s impression of Eduard has changed a lot. He spent a lot of time to build his comfort zone and make it steady, but here’s a newcomer just broke it so easily. Emil has experienced all emotions like stunned, fear, and even disgust due to the stranger. However, he’d to admit that he has been used to Eduard’s warm smile when every time they caught sights of each other. He accepted it already. He didn’t know whether the way they getting closer to could be seen as a friendship. It was like a promise they’ve made before. Keeping no secrets was not essential, but only responding “I’ll stand for you” and reaching out the arms to the other ones.

Emil had an intuition that Eduard could tell him “the answer,” he could tell him what the crux was, what methods he could take action, and even clarify the thoughts which upset him for several years. The answer Eduard hold was not from the family’s unconditional support, but only a… simple answer. Emil just wants to know what did he think.

Though he was also deeply afraid what if his hopes crumbled to nothing.

The emotionless face lingered in Emil’s memory. That was the only time Eduard expressed nothing more than pure hostility.

*

Emil suddenly focuses on reality again. He’s scared by a touch, which feels like a glass full of ice.

“Did I frighten you?”

“…Duh!”

“Hey, you look like you’re zoning out so I have no other choice,” Eduard chuckles. He puts down the icy bottle, ignoring Emil’s glare and sitting opposite him, “you asked me to take this.”

Emil looks at the yogurt blankly, “Did I?”

“Yeah, before I bought my lunch. I asked you to drink something and you nodded at it.”

Well, he does totally remember nothing.

“Or I could put this on my bill,” Eduard shrugs, being about to dig in his lunch, but then he pauses, “oh, wait, do you have time tomorrow morning?”

“Morning?”

“About seven or eight…, well, eight.”

Emil frowns, checking his calendar quickly, “yeah, I do…, but why?”

“I just got a new part-time job and my new boss—temporary, asked me to preview my work tomorrow.”

“And that’s why you forgot your colleague in a cafeteria for almost half an hour?”

“My professor always speaks like a waterfall, you can only get used to it,” Eduard says, grabbing out a bunch of keys from his backpack, “so, tomorrow, at the planetarium, would you go with me?”

“Alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N2: Thank you all for reading and waiting for the story! I said I’d take a break 2-3 weeks last time but it’s almost 2 months passed I know｡ﾟ(ﾟ´ω`ﾟ)ﾟ｡ And also I know this is not a story full of surprising plots or twists but I have to make it out. There are too much things I want to tell you, tell Emil and Eduard, and even tell the story. The next chapter may be the longest one for now, I’d try my best to work on it. Thanks again for reading the story!  
> Please feel free to leave a comment. I’ll be glad to know your thoughts about the two cuties :D


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters: 5/9
> 
> A/N: I changed the definition of their friendship mentioned in the previous chapters. Platonic is more accurate to describe their relationship but I didn’t know it until now, poor my vocab_(: _ㄥ)_
> 
> A LOT of setting in this chapter is for the plots purpose and please don’t mix it up with both Hetalia the original work and the real world.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own anything mentioned in the story but the story itself!

 

Emil soon regrets his decision the next morning. It’s not a normal time to get up, and Emil thinks it should be the reason he bumps on the furniture several times and makes a lot of noise. The sound is too annoying, even wakes Lukas up to warn him—he throws a pillow onto his younger brother. But there’s one thing Emil has to clarify that he’s not intend to provoke his brother again when he shuts the door accidently. He feels like he’s still not clear-headed enough when he rides his bike, so it’s impossible for him to behave like a brat just because he gets up early in the morning. Emil suddenly feels worried about Mathias—a grumpy Lukas in the morning is hard to get along with. Emil yawns, mumbling something like I’m sorry to his brothers while he has been far away from his home. He rubs his eyes, hurrying on his way when the traffic light turns green.

“I regret accepting the job.”

This is the first thing Eduard tells him when Emil finally arrives at the planetarium. He could make sure that Eduard is as tired as him after he witnesses the guy pushes over a row of bikes when they’re locking their own bikes. Waiting for his friend picking up the pieces, Emil can’t help but wondering; how did they both get there in a safe way?

He follows Eduard into the building, just finds they’re the only two in the huge space. The day has dawned outside though, the sunlight doesn’t spread into galleries. Emil looks around. he can merely see the exit signs in the end of those corridors. The hall is totally dark, dark enough as if a universe truly existing here. “What do you preview today?” he asks.

“English narrator for the star maps program this month. The staff here is on vacation, so my teacher asked me to give it a try.” Eduard turns back, reminding Emil to take notice of those hanging exhibits, “Would you refine my speech later?”

“Got it. You plan all the things and _invite_ me to join you at the final step.”

Eduard only answers him with chuckle, keeps walking ahead until stopping at the double door of the theatre. He pushes the doors open and a huge dome room silently appears in front of them. They’re surrounded by a giant, pale hemisphere. The wall fittings hidden in the corners and stairs slowly enhance the light. The glow gradually turns the cool gray full of the room into warm and sunset colors. Emil wanders into the seating, looking up to the top of the dome.

He’s tapped on the shoulder suddenly. Taking a cold glimpse of his back, Emil finds that Eduard makes a gesture for sorry, “I guess you may need a nap. Find your seat first.

“You know it’ll be meaningless to sleep here.” He talks back quietly. But Eduard doesn’t hear that, he just walks upstairs in a hurry. Emil looks at his back, noticing that there are some staffs of the museum waiting for his friend at the highest place.

He walks alongside the stair Eduard passed by, searching for a seat he can curl up his body comfortably. He chooses the one located in the middle rows in the end. Taking off his backpack, Emil lays down on the tilted chair and holds his pack tightly. The dim lights are turned off one after another. Emil closes his eyes, hearing some buzzing noise from the speakers. The sounds soon turn into a male voice Emil has been familiar with. “Testing now…, üks, kaks, kolm…,” the voice is clean and soothing as always, but now speaking in a language Emil has never known, “Tere hommikust, see on von Bock…, okei…. Let’s start.” Emil opens his eyes, but just staring at the scene calmly. The silent, dark blue widens above him, stars sparkling in the night; this is not the first time Emil watches an astronomy show, since his brother has been dedicating a few years to the research field. He has to admit that he pays little attention to Eduard’s speech because he has contact with such type of knowledge for years. The starry night is gradually darkening, only a few brighter stars are left in the end. Lots of white lines appear on the dome screen, connecting the shiny dots like a connecting puzzle game. Some figures in the ancient mythology are added later. Emil looks at all these changes though, his mind is just sinking into the memory. He remembers one day in his elementary school; he and his classmates did a special experiment that day. They spent almost an afternoon building a volcano model.

He forgot how his teacher make the “magma” looks real, only remembering the red liquid climbed along the clay mountain he built hard, and finally spouted from the gap, flowing and covering the grass slope made by his friend. All his classmates were getting excited at the moment, except for Emil, he was still stunned by the red colors weaving beneath the surface, keeping quiet and couldn’t look away from the colorful layers.

*

The line drawings fade, the few stars are scattered by the Milky Way, uncountable white blots splash over the dome in the blink of an eye. The narration is slowly muted in a gentle piano tune. Emil sits straight up, intending to look back while Eduard has come and sit next to him.

“How’s my performance?”

“Uh?” Emil stops for a moment, realizing that he has no excuse for getting distracted, “sorry…, I didn’t focus on it.”

“It’s okay. I’m glad you feel relaxed here.” Eduard says, waving at the control room behind them, “Mrs. Janssen said we could stay here for a while, but we’ve to leave at 20 minutes before the opening time.”

Emil gives a glance at his watch. They have about an hour.

“So, as for now, would you mind if I say something here?”

“What? I mean… about what?”

“About my home,” Emil turns to Eduard soon, but Eduard doesn’t make eye contact with him, “Do you know Tartu?”

“…Your hometown?”

“Yeah, wanna take a trip?”

“That’s not the point.” He sits back in his chair, knocking the armrest a little impatiently, “What do you want to say?”

“I escaped from there.” Eduard answers him a smirk though, “Sounds like a spoiled teenager, is it?”

“…Why did you escape?”

“Because I was refused.” Emil sits frozen. He’s about to jump and look at Eduard, but he forces himself to focus on the night sky. Eduard doesn’t notice that, just continuing his words, “My family opposed to everything I wished for, such as my hobbies, my high school, and my career. They think I shouldn’t decide those things on my own…. Hey, imagine a situation, you gave your child the best education in your opinion, hoping he or she succeeded in school, in the future, to praise your family. But one day the brat just told you I don’t want you to treat me like that, I don’t want to waste my time on those things ‘I do for your own good’ then left you and studied in a young university which just reorganized within years, and planned to get a degree you thought it’s not ‘useful’ at all. The brat even lives abroad now. How do you think? Do you feel it’s like a sense of betrayal?”

“I don’t agree with the thought of _useless_ degree.”

“Neither do I. But my family is as stubborn as me. They think UT is better than all school located in Tallinn. Why do I insist on studying there when I have ability to apply to the elite university in their minds? I could tell you that up to now, my family still rejects my decision…. I’ve worked so hard to show them I wouldn’t let them being looked down on although I didn’t follow their advice. Unfortunately, I was overwhelmed by their disapproval. From then on, I started to wonder, if Tallinn is not far enough away, what about moving to a place more distant from them? At least I’m good at, um, being a good student? So I had confidence to make my plan work…. Look, I’m sitting beside you right now. I win the bet. How lucky I am.”

“Yeah, yeah, a gifted exchange student.” Emil replies mindlessly, then pauses for a second, “but don’t you think it’s another way to show your family you’re right?”

“No, I’m just an escapist. The only thing I want to do is to get rid of them, the farther the better.”

“You’re so straightforward.”

“It’s true anyway.”

“Do you ever consider going back?” He thinks of what Eduard once said; he’ll do whatever to stay in Copenhagen.

“Yes, I do. After all, I love my birthplace.” Eduard’s voice sounds a little tired. Emil hears a tiny sound like taking off the glasses. “Maybe Tartu is getting old. She’s not like Tallinn, willing to embrace the sea, embrace the world. But to me, she gives me a sense of belonging, which is impossible to be replaced by any other place. I know I belong to the city, and I’m also proud of being born there, but it shouldn’t conflict with the tiredness I have sometimes. Like now, I feel tired more than eager to stay there, but it doesn’t mean the two feelings won’t end in a draw, and maybe my passion for my hometown will come back one day. Sounds not bad, is it?”

“Feeling tired… more than feeling eager to stay?”

Emil doesn’t get answer this time. Eduard sounds like he’d not like to keep talking, his calm voice fading away, one of his arm rising and covering his face while the other one just resting on the chair. His glasses are held slightly in his fingers. Emil can’t stop wondering, is it struggling for a long time or lack of sleep to cause Eduard’s tiredness. He wants to touch Eduard’s hand if it can comfort him, but he doesn’t even know what motivates him to do that.

“Oh, by the way, I’m still willing to be your tour guide if you really want to visit Tartu.”

“Or you could be a host for your new travel channel.” Emil talks back. They turn to look at each other at the same time, under the fictional night. It feels like all their thoughts hidden behind the eyes could be read easily. Emil thinks, being about to avoid the gaze, but a sound in his mind’s just trying to convince him, he should leave something in return for their relationship, “…why do you tell me all of this?” His voice is awkward though, he looks someone in the eye at least.

“I thought you want to know.”

Emil finally turns away. What a god damn embarrassing answer.

He hears the annoying laughter as expected, almost making him want to punch the guy. Eduard spends a few seconds stopping his laughter, “Hey, I’m honest with you,” he explains after Emil turns to him again with slightly blushing, “After all, you looked very curious after we finished the work in archive room that day, but you also looked hesitant to ask me. I don’t know it was because you were scared by me or you were worried about something, after all it was the first time I showed my worst status in front of you, if I remembered correctly…. Back to the topic, I think it’s better to find a chance to talk about it, and tell you it’s okay you ask me anything. Hoping you won’t see me as a self-centered guy.”

“Well sometimes you gave me the impression. By the way, we finished the archive work one month ago, I don’t think you’re a dull person who has no reaction for such a long time.”

“No, I’m not. I didn’t mention it because you’re too slow to warm up to people.”

“Yeah, right.”

“There’s another reason,” the chairs squeak, Eduard sits up a little straighter, taking his glasses on, “besides your shyness, you look like you have no energy often, and it’s not quite hard to notice your lack of confidence from, um, average negative people. It’s just my intuition, I don’t know if you were asked before…. You give me a feeling that you’re always a foreigner. The loneliness is too hard to ignore so I can’t help but being attracted by it.”

“Foreigner?”

“Um… in fact, I think it’s more accurate to describe it as a stranger, never feeling fit in with the surroundings no matter where you go.”

Emil holds his body more tightly, pretending to not hear anything except for the noise from his squeezed backpack.

“Am I right?”

“…Hm.”

“As for why I nag all of these, you look like you’re bothered by some upset thoughts for a while, and hurry to find a way to be released from it. I think it’ll be great you don’t feel helpless anymore so sorry for sometimes being a busybody. I can’t always read the tangle in your mind completely but I can’t either leave you alone.” Eduard says, leaning his arms against the armrest of Emil’s side, “It feels like I find a resonance with you though your situation is a little different from mine. I’m not pretty sure but, you’re kinda like a combination of inferiority and strong personality. The two opposite thoughts make you feel struggled always, and bring you the anxiety you have no idea to deal with. You’re chasing a solution you don’t even know to erase them all.”

The dark sky was bleached. The warm light is rising from the corners and slowly wrapping up the white dome.

“Emil, did you ever think you’ve already found your answer? What you need now is just a little bit more courage, to prove that you deserve what you dream.”

“…Did you know? Sometimes I really want to say, I have no idea to get along with you.”

Emil stands up and looks Eduard back from a high angle—it’s rare to him to be honest.

“Haha, sounds better than your first sight.”

Eduard also stands up, picking his pack up and walking to the exit first. Emil stays for a while, then runs and catches up with Eduard, “But, there’s another thing I need… I want to tell you,” he says, approaching the door handle before Eduard.

“Thank you.”

He rushes into the hall before getting any reply, following the direction boards he could barely see, going straight and turning without hesitation. He doesn’t even know whether Eduard is walking behind him, his footsteps are too heavy and dull, but he’d make sure that his partner would realize his thought.

Emil turns back, as he’s looking forward to, meeting a warm smile within his sight.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N2: Basic Estonian words below, thanks for google and youtube *collapse*
> 
> Üks, kaks, kolm: one, two, three in Estonian.
> 
> Tere hommikust, see on von Bock.: “Good morning, this is von Bock.” in Estonian.
> 
> UT: the University of Tartu. It’s the oldest university in Estonia, established by King Gustavus Adolphus of Sweden in 1632.
> 
> If there’s anything wrong or improper please drop me a message! Thank you!! QQ


End file.
